The Three Little Pigs were so lazy
they hated to work.
They wouldn't hold jobs as a carpenter, cleaner or clerk.
Instead they were burglars
who broke into houses to steal.
They took all the jewelery and artwork
that they could conceal.
When building their house they refused
to use mortar and bricks.
They wouldn't construct it with lumber
or even with sticks.
They couldn't be bothered with metal
or plastic or glass.
The pigs were so lazy they built it
with bundles of grass.
Well one night the piglets decided
to steal from the palace.
They broke in and stole every candlestick,
ladle and chalice.
They took every painting and rug
they could fit down the stairs,
and then they went back for
the king and the queen's royal chairs.
The took all their loot to the neighborhood
pawn shop to fence
for one hundred thirty eight dollars
and seventeen cents.
They sold every item they'd taken
except for the thrones.
And these they took home and positioned
right next to the phones.
The next day the Sheriff - one B.B. Wolfe -
blew down their house,
and found the two chairs that they took
from the king and his spouse.
The Three Little Pigs were arrested
and taken to jail,
to bring to a finish their twisted
and sad little tale.
Which proves if you build your own house
that you ought to use stones.
And piglets who live in grass houses
should never stow thrones.